Saying goodbye for real

Last night was my last night at NPH. While I’d been bracing myself for weeks for my final goodbyes to the kids…it was still one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. After finishing everything I needed to hand in, I ran down to the baby’s house for a quick snuggle fest before having a meeting with Erika. The baby’s were adorable as usual – we played on the culumpios (swings), pretended we were airplanes, and shared lots of hugs and kisses – exactly what I needed. In addition, Tony, who’d been giving me the cold shoulder lately, ran right into my arms and started calling me “mama.” I’m not gonna lie, it was REALLY weird – DEFINITELY not ready for that one…but also insanely adorable. He kept hugging me tight, giving me kisses on the cheek, moving my bangs out of my face, and saying “mama mama!” Absolutely beyond cute.

After that, I went to my meeting with Erika, and then I knew it was time. As calmly as I could, I wandered up to the comedor at 5:45 for dinner to say goodbye to all the kids. I spent the next 3 hours wandering from table to table in the comedor to say goodbye to the boys and then down to the girls’ sections for a last adios. I ended at my section. I walked in and immediately started bawling. Tia Fruc helped to comfort me a lot and gave me wonderful words of wisdom (per usual), before I said goodnight to my girls and gave them all a kiss on their forehead for the last time.

Saying goodbye was insanely hard, but I must say, it also made me feel incredible loved. There have been so many times this year where I’ve wondered if what I’ve said and done was worth it…if anyone will remember me, if I’ve really affected any of the children at NPH. And saying goodbye to the kids – receiving all their hugs, them still joking with me about things that happened in class, giving me little trinkets to take back as mementos, seeing the tears in their eyes (and feeling my own)…it was amazing. Hard yes, but I don’t remember a time when I felt more loved.